Day 8 of bed rest

Last Thursday I started spotting so my doctor put me on bed rest. Monday morning i had a miscarriage and the er doctor put me on bed rest. Tomorrow i will be able to get out of bed and go downstairs. I am glad that Darin is here and i am able to be on bed rest. I know i need time to heal and rest but laying in bed is hard. I cant really do much so I'm watching TV and thinking about the baby. I cant believe i am not pregnant anymore. I'm sure as the days and weeks go by it will get easier but right now its very hard. It has only been three days, but i cant stop thinking about it. When it comes to deciding what to eat its hard. When i was pregnant i had to eat certain things and not eat certain things. Now that i am not pregnant i can eat anything i want. You would think it would be a good thing but for me its not. I want to be pregnant. I know everything will work out and hopefully we will get pregnant again and everything will be fine. I still have hope and i am trying to be positive, but it has only been three days and i cant help but be upset. I think i will feel better once i can get out of bed and do something other then watch TV and think. There are even some shows that i cant watch now because they just make me to upset. I don't want to be upset and i don't want to be sad but right now i cant help it. The physical pain is getting a little better but i am still on the pain meds. A friend told me the only way to get over a miscarriage is to get pregnant and have a baby. I hope that does not take to long.

Sad

Darin has gotten some time off to be home with me and help me out. I am really glad he is able to be here. Its nice to talk to him and not have to think about the baby all the time. Everyone keeps saying to let them know if I need anything. I feel bad because i cant think of anything anyone can do. I love knowing that so many ladies have offered to help me. It has made me feel a lot better. Even people i don't know have offered help and prayers. I know i have probably upset people or pissed them off in the past but they are putting that in the past and offering to help me out. I can not put in words how much it means to me to have the support i have. An old friend of mine emailed me and gave me a very inspirational quote. "Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. Things will work out." - President Gordon B. Hinckley. I know everything will work out and everything will be ok but right now it just hurts. I know my life could suck a million times more then it does. We have a house and food and things we need. I feel selfish sometimes for wanting a baby so bad and i feel bad that i get jealous when other people are pregnant. I know life is not fair but people who don't want to get pregnant or are not trying seem to get pregnant with no issues. we have been trying for so long and it happened and we could not have been any happier then it was just taken away. I cant help but ask why? I know i may never have the answer but i still cant help but ask. I know its not my fault, miscarriages happen all the time and its not the woman's fault. Its hard to be positive right now. We will try to get pregnant forever if we have to and if I have to do this again I will. I want to have a baby and nothing is going to stop me. The physical pain was so bad I was not even thinking about the baby. Now that the pain is getting better I am thinking more about the baby. It will forever be my first child. I really wish i could have met it. I don't think my heart will ever fully heal from this loss. It will be with me for the rest of my life.

Miscarraige

Monday June 21st at about 12:30am Darin and I lost the baby. It was very painful. I am still in a lot of pain but the doctor gave me some pain medicine. It has been a very hard day. After 2 and a half years of trying to get pregnant we finally did. The good news is I now know I can get pregnant. I am really sad we lost the baby. I really cant even put into words how I feel. I am happy I got pregnant but sad I lost the baby, I'm excited to try again but nervous at the same time. I really feel tons of different emotions and pain on top of it all. The ladies I have met in North Dakota have been great. I am very grateful for all the support and prayers. Thank you everyone.

Baby

Well it has finally happened. Darin and I found out on April 30Th I am pregnant!!! After 27 months of trying to get pregnant and tons of test and pills it has happened. I will have my first ultrasound on the 21st I cant wait. We are really excited. Ill post more once I know more and Ill post the ultrasound picture when I have it.

Update

I have not posted a blog in a while. We are all moved in on base. We got a new couch and loveseat but i still need to get rid of the old ones. I am going to Vegas for my sisters graduation in about three weeks. I am really excited about it. Darin and I will hopefully make it to North Carolina sometime in september. If I dont make it Darin will go for sure. My sister is comming to minot to visit in July and we are going to do tons of things and have a lot of fun. Darin and I have been to the zoo a few times since it opened.

House on Base

We have got a house on base. We have a few things to do before we can get the keys but the packers and movers are coming to our house here in Glenburn on the 23rd 24th and 25th. Hopefully we can get the keys on the 18th. I will post pictures as soon as I have them.

Three Years

Last night Darin and I were sitting in bed, it was such a peaceful moment. February 18th is our anniversary. We have been together for three years. Three years ago Darin and I started talking. We met on myspace February 13th 2007. He met me on the 16th at my job so we could hang out. When he left that night I remember thinking how great the night went and how much I liked him. We hung out the next night as well. On February 18th 2007 Darin picked me up at the base visitor center and when we got to the parking lot of the dorms he turned to me and said "I want to ask you something. Will you be my girlfriend?" I of course said yes. I think back on that day now and I think, what if I said no? My life changed forever that day. I would have never thought we would be where we are right now. In April of 2007 Darin and I talked about getting married. I knew I loved him early on in the relationship. I am so grateful to have Darin in my life. We have been through alot together, he has always been there for me. I was so happy when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I was even happier when we stood in the chapel and said our vows. Before we got married Darin told me it is very hard to be so far apart when he deploys and he asked me if I was sure I wanted to marry him. I loved him and I knew I would love him no matter what. The first deployment came August of 2008, it was very hard but we got through it. We both changed while he was deployed but we still loved each other. He then deployed for the month of May in 2009. The day he left was sad but I knew he would not be gone long. That was the day he told me he volunteered for the Minot orders. I was so upset to move but I will go anywhere with Darin. Now here we are three years after we met. Still madly in love and still together. I really can not imagine my life without Darin. He is my everything, he holds me tight when I am scared, he rubs my back when I cry, he laughs at my jokes, he helps me through the days, he is truly my best friend. To me he is the most amazing husband and the greatest person. Hopefully this year of our lives is wonderful and makes us stronger. Darin is the love of my life, I need to tell him more often how much he means to me.