As The Days Go By....

The closer it is getting to Darin coming back I am getting more and more excited! It is such a short time he is away but I can't wait for him to come home. His job takes him away pretty often for work, he works long hours and doesn't get alot of sleep. He could deploy at any time and have to be away for months at a time. He is now able to reenlist at any time. We are looking into what base of preference we want and once we decide my husband will sign his life over for at least another four years. The Air Force pretty much tells him what to do and where to go but he loves his job and loves serving his country. I may bitch or complain sometimes because it would be nice to have him home more often but I am so proud of him for what he does. I love my SSGT and would not change a thing! When we get or BOP we should only be at Minot for another year or two. I am torn, I want to move but want to stay. It would be easier to just stay and not have to deal with moving. Even with all the stress of moving it is a new adventure for us. I will move anywhere with my hubby and go anywhere the Air Force tells us to. Please don't get me wrong; I love the Air Force and I support the troops. Yes I complain but everyone needs to complain sometimes and if you don't like it then don't read my blog! I love my husband!!!! Sorry if you are having issues in your marriage and are jealous of me but that is your problem not mine! On another subject: dinner with the ladies was tons of fun. The food and service was not to great but the ladies were awesome!

Two hours later not such a great day anymore

Stupid me! I was having a good day then I go and make myself all upset. I need to stop reading about infertility and miscarriages! Alot of the information is helpful and that is great but then I go on to read different stories. Some woman have great success stories and others have had fifteen miscarriages and are on their 10th year of trying to have a baby. I have talked to woman who are giving up and stopping their infertility journey (after twenty five years). I never want to get to that point. Right now I say and feel I will fight forever to be able to hold my baby but will I hit a point in my life where I just cant try anymore! I want to end my infertility journey with a baby not with defeat. I really don't know why I do this to myself. I need to stay positive and stop thinking of the negative. On another note I read a Marine wife's blog, her husband died while fighting the war and her blog was so sad. My heart goes out to all the fallen troops! I could not even imagine loosing my husband. The woman who go through such heart ache are so strong! Reading stories like that really make me appreciate the time I have with my husband so much more. With him being in the military I am truly lucky when he is home or even state side for that matter. He is at training now but will be home in a few days! Well I need to get ready, hopefully my day will get better!

HAPPY DAY!

Well Darin will be home in about five days. Before he left I really thought it would be very hard to be alone after what happened. Honestly it has not been to hard. I have had a couple bad days but for the most part it has been good. The ladies have kept me busy and it has been so helpful! I have not made tons of friends here but the ones I have made are great! Shadow and Spooky have been making it hard to get comfy in bed. They think because Darin is away they can try and take up the whole bed. I really think they are trying to get me to sleep in the spare room! I get comfy around them then I wake up and Shadow is laying on my legs and Spooky is right next to my head. They are so freaking cute, they do bother me sometimes and get into stuff I wish they didn't but overall they are awesome! I need to head to Fort Mandan one day this week to get Becky and myself more wish bracelets. I still have some cleaning to do before Darin comes home. I have been doing a little each day but I want to finish by Thursday! So far today has been a good day! I am going to dinner tonight with the ladies and I am sure it will be tons of fun. Ok well that is all for now.

Bored...

It is day five with out Darin. It has gone by pretty fast so far. Hopefully it keeps going fast. The potluck on the first was tons of fun, I am so glad I went. This may be to much information but I got my period for the first time since the miscarriage. It is good and bad, good because my body is cleaning itself out bad because it hurts like hell. The PCOS makes my time of the month very pain full and it sucks. Enough about that and on to a better note. I have been watching Pit Boss for a few hours. At first I really did not like it but now I don't think it is to bad. I guess I don't really have to much to write today. Not much has happened, life is pretty boring with Darin out of town. I have pretty bad cramps so I am going to lay down. If I can think of anything important to write I'll write again later.

Life isn’t about trying to weather the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain

Well today was my miscarriage follow up appointment. At first I was excited to go I had tons of questions and wanted answers. As the time to leave grew closer, I started have a mini freak out. I started to realize this appointment was the last stage in the pregnancy I lost. I know I lost the baby but this appointment made it that much more real and final. I cried on the way there and in the parking lot, then in the waiting room and the office. The doctor was very helpful he explained everything and answered all my questions. Some days I just fall apart, other days are not bad. I need to spend my time in the present. I feel like I am wasting time in the past and looking at the future. I think about the baby we lost and being pregnant and what I could have done differently. Then I think well eventually we will get pregnant again and have a baby so I am doing my best to prepare my body for the next pregnancy. I just need a day when I can sit here and not think about the past and not think of what I need to do for the future baby. Please don't get me wrong, I know the miscarriage was not my fault and I could not have done anything to prevent it. I sometimes think what if but I don't want anyone to worry I am not blaming myself. Looking back to when Darin and I first got married I didn't think we would be where we are today. Struggling with infertility, dealing with a miscarriage, closer then before, and more in love then I would have ever thought possible. I am truly a very lucky person, when I have bad days I try my hardest to remind my self of that. I love my husband so much.

Relaxing Day

I don't really have much to write today. It was a pretty simple day. We slept in this morning then went shopping. We got some last minute things for Darin's trip and he got his hair cut. It has been a nice calm day. We are going to lay in bed pretty early tonight. We are going to snuggle and watch some movies. I am so lucky to have such a great husband. I could not picture my life without him. It stinks he has to leave for training but that is part of being in the military. Even with the struggles we have had to face, we have stayed strong and grown even closer as a couple. I love him always and forever. He means the world to me and I would do anything for him. Today was a perfect day. I love having a relaxing day with my hubby.

Morning Drama

It is summer in Minot and that means road work. All well and good when we are notified of the street on the corner being closed. This morning my husband was driving home and drove over tac on our street. There was a truck blocking the driveway. The guys moved it and told my hubby you may not want to pull in. Giving it no real thought after a 16 hour shift he pulled in. Now there is tac in the driveway, on his tires, and in the garage. I call housing and they give me construction maintenance number. I talk to Ted and he is very helpful giving me another number. I call the other number and the guy said "I know I have men out doing some work but I am not sure where they are." So I call housing again they tell me to call housing maintenance. They tell me they wont come clean it I have to call housing. The lady at housing transfers me to an inspector. I tell him what is going on and he said "ok let me make a few calls and figure it out." He calls me back and gives me a number to call to give them my name and number, so I call and give them all the info. The guy calls me back and says "your husband should not have pulled in I am not cleaning it." I told him they moved a truck to let him pull in. So he came to the house and we were standing in the garage talking. He made me wake Darin up to get his side of the story. (that pissed me off even more, after working all night he needs some sleep) Darin stood there in his pajamas as I yelled at the guy. I am sorry but the guy in charge of them said it was their fault, only one side of the road was to be done at a time. I was not going to let him stand there and blame my husband for their mistake. There were no cones up this morning but they did not want people to drive threw it. There were cones up when we were talking and I said it would have been nice to be notified that the road was going to be closed. The guy said "the cones don't mean you cant drive you just have to drive around them." That really confused me, no cones you cant drive but cones mean you can drive. I honestly don't know where they find these people to work for them but maybe some training or a high school diploma should be required. In the end it felt really relaxing to yell at someone and he is in the garage now cleaning. Hopefully the tires and driveway get done to. I left a message for the housing inspector, Andy, to call me back so I can update him. I am so happy he was so helpful because with all the phone calls I was ready to rip my hair out. On a different note Darin needs to register his truck today and I am doing laundry so I can finish packing his bag. He leaves for training this weekend. I am going to miss him but I will be trying to keep myself busy. I recommend everyone yell at someone to feel better lol. Judging from this morning today can only get better.