Sunday, January 8, 2012

holding it in?

I am not really sure what to name this blog... Weylin Roy (first pregnancy) would have turned 1 the other day if everything had gone as planned. Holly Grace (second pregnancy) would have been 6 months old if everything had gone as planned. It is hard to look at what our lives are now and what our lives would have been. I cant help but ask "why me?" over and over again then I think, it is not just me! Tons of people lose their children all the time. It happens more often then most people would think. I feel alone sometimes, I feel like I am the only one. Some people don't like that I talk about my children because they died. I think anyone who has ever lost a baby should not stop talking about the baby! Why do we have to stay silent? Why can I not share my pain? After Weylin died I felt a piece of myself die as well. I didn't think I would ever move on, then I got pregnant with Holly. I was so excited to have another baby but so sad at the same time. Then after I lost Holly I felt the same pain all over again. I loved both my children and I only wish I was able to hold them, hear them laugh, watch them grow, and see them smile.

I know some people who read my blog may think I share to much or I am to personal. I have to remind myself that I am helping someone by posting what I do. Someone out there is going through the same thing I am and now they know they are not alone! When I first found out I was infertile blogs were what got me through. It was nice knowing I was not alone and someone out there knew what I was dealing with.

I hope 2012 can bring a better understanding of infertility and miscarriages. I want anyone struggling to feel good about talking. It is ok to open up and talk about how you feel because holding it in is so much worse.

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