Tuesday, February 26, 2013
I just spent the last hour dancing around the room with Aidan! If you had told me two years ago that this is what I would be doing today I would have laughed. The day Weylin died I lost a little hope, when Holly died my hope died with her. I never thought I would be lucky enough to have a baby I could hold. I put everything on hold for times like these. Dancing around the room with Aidan was the most important thing in that moment. As I sit here writing this Aidan is snuggled up on my lap nursing. My life could not be more amazing then it is right now! After everything we had to go through to get here I could not be happier. While we were dancing Aidan was smiling and laughing. I know he won’t remember this but I will never forget it. I wish I was able to make memories like this with Weylin and Holly. Everyone needs to stop what they are doing, put on a good song, and dance around the room. Even if you are alone, it will make you smile!
Monday, February 18, 2013
We "side car" the crib!!!! Now Aidan can sleep with us every night! He was sleeping through the night in his own room until a few days ago. He is teething pretty bad and going through a growth spurt. He sleeps so much better with us now. We are very excited about it and our first night went great!!!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Ok I know the title is a bit much, no one and nothing is really perfect, well maybe Aidan is perfect, at least to me! My husband and I have been through hard times and good times on our way to this very moment. We have lost not one but two children along the way.We feel nothing but joy when we look at Aidan. We are lucky to know how bad things can be so we can enjoy all the great things. On the rare occation that Aidan is fussy I always think of Weylin and Holly. I would not want anything in return for the time I have with Aidan. I would not trade a second of time for anything in the world. I miss Weylin and Holly and I think of what they would be like often. I tell Aidan all the time how special he is to me and his daddy. I tell Aidan all the time how much we love him and how lucky we feel. When Weylin died in June 2010 I was forever changed and never thought I would be "ok" again. We got pregnant again and I was happy then Holly died and again I felt as though I would never be "ok" again. Time passed and we were thinking we would never get pregnant again. On February 15th 2012 I took a pregnancy test and it was positive! Then we pretty much waited for something to go wrong. We hit 12 weeks pregnant and knew we had a good chance to go full term. The weeks kept passing and Aidan was getting bigger and bigger. His birth did not go the way I had planned, breastfeeding did not go the way I planned, but I guess life doesnt always stick to a plan. Aidan is happy, healthy, and perfect! I am glad I had to struggle to have hime because it makes me love him that much more! We are lucky for so many things in our life. We are debt free after an unexpected hospital birth with no insurance! We are holding our almost 4 month old baby in our arms! We are together and in love! We are closer today then ever before! We are happy and only have people in our lives that are happy for us! We are just so lucky I can not help but smile!!!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
My grandfather recently passed away so my grandmother sent me things of my dad’s that he was holding on too. As many of you know my dad died in 1998. I really only have one thing that reminds me of him (a whistle he got me one time we were out with him). There have been tons of times I wish I could call him with good news. Form time to time when I look at Aidan I can see a bit of my dad. In the envelope of things was a note I wrote to my dad. I am not sure how old I was but it says “to dad, I love you so so much, I hope you love me so so much too” I cried instantly! In the moment when I wrote that note I must have felt as though my dad did not love me. I do not remember ever thinking he did not love me but I must have. I wish I knew why my dad kept that note and why my grandfather kept the note. I guess some questions will forever be unanswered. The only thing I know for sure is that Aidan will always know that mommy and daddy love him! There will never be a reason for him to think anything different.