Yesterday started pretty shitty, I had cramps from hell and woke up way to early. I don't have cable so I watched Brothers and Sisters online yesterday. I really love the show but I have not seen it since we moved and it made me really sad. I realized that I will never be able to make memories living by my family again. Darin told me it was fine because we can make new different memories. I don't think it really hit me till yesterday, I will never live in Vegas again. Darin and I got ready and left to go to the movies and dinner. When we left it was raining and cold. We went to see Sherlock Holmes, it was alot better then I thought it would be. After the movie we were going to go eat at Badlands. We walked outside and of course it was snowing. I was really happy to see the snow when we first moved up here but now I am ready for it to stop lol. The snow on the ground was just starting to melt and now there is another storm coming. I do have to admit that getting snowed in is pretty fun and romantic, but Darin has to work this weekend so if we do get snowed in he will be on base. Ok back to the point of the blog. The movies and dinner were really fun I had a really good time. When we got home we watched King of the Hill and Whale Wars, it was nice and relaxing. We were getting ready for bed and my sister Becky called. She was upset and needed to vent. When i got off the phone with her I could not help but cry. I will always be here for her if she needs to call me but I will never be someone she can call if she needs a ride or someone to hang out with. Becky and I are very close, she just turned 18 and its hard not to be there for her in person. I know I am not really far away but i cant be there in an hour if she needs me. Yesterday was a weird day, it was good, bad, sad, and just down right emotional. I hate the bad days but they make me a stronger person. Today has been better.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Darin and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years now. September of 2009 I found out I have PCOS. I am on Metformin, the doctor said it would help me ovulate. I have a doctors appointment on Febuary 4th 2010 to talk about going on Clomid (it is a fertility drug). It has been very hard for me to see my friends get pregnant, I am happy for them but at the same time I'm jealous. My life is not going the way I think it should. You get married then have kids. Now that we have moved to Minot I am finding it hard to make friends. A lot of military wives have kids or are pregnant, but that seems to be all they want to talk about. (not everyone) Its hard for me to talk about pregnancy and kids all the time. I feel like I'm on the out side of a club that i so desperately want to be a part of. I have found it is easier to be friends with guys because even if they have kids that's not all they want to talk about. That brings up another point, many people judge me because I am married and have guy friends. Just because a guy and girl are friends does not mean they are hooking up or even want to hook up. I love my husband and I would never cheat on him. I have heard a lot of people say the only things to do in the winter in Minot are drink, fight, and fuck. Drinking and fucking are fun but i can do with out the fighting. I miss being in Vegas because there is always something to do or some place to go. Every month a few days before my period is due I wounder, am i pregnant or not. I look for signs of being pregnant such as: peeing more, feeling like I am going to throw up, tender breast, etc. Even if I only have one of the symptoms I get excited and for days I think maybe this is the month its going to happen. Then my period comes and I can't help but feel sad. Everyone tells me "don't worry it will happen" but what if they are wrong? What if because of the PCOS I can never get pregnant? I try to be positive but the day i get my period i loose hope, it means another month of trying and waiting. As a girl I have always wanted to find my prince charming and have a family. I have found my prince, but know I feel like I am playing the worst waiting game. I do think I will get pregnant eventually, but waiting so long for it to happen sucks. For most of the month I am excited to try and not thinking about it to much, but the few days before my period is due it seems to be the only thing on my mind.
I have not done a blog in a while so here is an update. Darin and I left Vegas on November 23rd. We stayed in Salt Lake city the first night. On the second day the heat in my car broke and it was really cold. We looked for a place to fix it on the way to Montana but that did not happen. We found a place in Bozeman Montana to fix it but it took them a few days so we stayed in Bozeman till November 28th. I really liked it in Bozeman it was a really cute town and everyone was really nice. We made it to Minot North Dakota on November 28th at 5:30pm. We could not find a house or apartment to rent so we lived in a hotel until December 23rd. We found a really cute house in Glenburn North Dakota to rent just in time for Christmas. On Christmas eve Darin and I picked up the new bed we bought. We hung out at home and watched the Nightmare Before Christmas. It was hard being away from my family for the first Christmas. There was a big snow storm and we were snowed in for a few days. It was pretty fun. I do miss Vegas weather, i miss not having to put on a jacket, boots, gloves, and a hat just to take out the trash. We are number 78 on the housing waiting list but hopefully it will go by fast and we will have a house on base my the end of March. Alot of our stuff is still packed and sitting in the spare room. The house is alot smaller then the house we had on Nellis AFB but I'm glad we are here. Darin is working alot and i have applied for a few jobs but I am not driving all the way to Minot for shitty pay. A few of our things came damaged so we had to file a claim and are waiting to hear back from the company. It was weird moving without my family but I will be going back to Vegas in June for my sisters high school graduation. Darin had to work on New Years so i spent the third year in a row alone. There is not much to do in North Dakota so i pretty much just hang out at home. I'm getting use to driving in the ice and snow but i still hate it. Here are some pictures of the drive and the house in Glenburn.