Friday, October 21, 2011

a little bit of everything

I am so excited to move and start our lives with out the military. Did I think we may be a military family forever? Yes I did for a bit, but now that we are for sure not staying with the military I am ready to move on. I want to start a new chapter in our lives! Although the military has not been all bad there have been some pretty rough points. I feel like we will finally be in control of our own lives and be able to live the way we want to. We don't know what we want to do when we leave but it is going to be a great adventure figuring it out. To be fair Darin is pretty sure he knows what he wants to do, he is just not to sure where he wants to do it. He will come first no matter what, whatever he wants to do and where ever he wants to go is fine with me. I will find something great to do with my life no matter where we are. I want Darin to love his job and be happy! Right now all we know for sure is we will be living in Nevada for a bit! I am so excited to party in Vegas again!!!

We are not sure if TMO is going to move our stuff or if we are going to do it our selves. Darin wants TMO to do it and I kind of want to do a DITY move. I have already started packing and the only issue I seem to be having right now is not packing everything!

Infertility news ~ I am on CD46 and the blood pregnancy test came back negative. We did not do fertility drugs in September and we were not sure if we were going to do them in October but I guess my body decided for us.

Vent of the day! Not having children does not mean you know nothing about children and it doesn't mean you can not give advice. Can I tell you what it feels like to push out an 8 pound baby? No I cant but can you tell me what it is like to want a child more then anything, finally get pregnant, and then lose the baby? No I am sure you cant.

Yesterday Darin turned 27!!!! He feels old but I think he still looks hott! I have pictures on my facebook page. We got a new computer and had to fix the old one so I have no pictures saved on this computer.

Friday, October 14, 2011

same page?

We have been doing alot of talking about our future. Right now I am on one page and Darin is on another. We agree on most everything but we are not 100% sure where we want life to take us. Thank goodness we still have time to figure it out.

Infertility news! My period is now nine days late. Two at home pregnancy test have come back negative. The last time my period was more then a day late I was pregnant. I am 99.5% sure I am not pregnant but that 0.5% is holding on to every bit of hope that I am pregnant. I think I am going to go to the doctor next week for a blood test. It would be great to be pregnant but we didn't do any fertility treatments last month so it is hard to believe I would even get pregnant.

Moving news! We have no clue what day we are moving or if TMO can pack and move all our stuff. Just in case we have to move ourselves I have already started packing! I have to say I LOVE packing! I am very excited we are staying in the same hotel in Bozeman Montana that we stayed in on the way here.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


We will be moving back to Nevada for a few months. I think we are leaving North Dakota in December but that is not for sure yet. I am so very excited to see my family again and live close to them for a bit! We will be taking a road trip to North Carolina shortly after we move to see Darin's family! I am so excited to be starting this new adventure with my husband!

A few months ago and even just last week I was so focused on things in the past that I wanted to do over or change. I was consumed with guilt and mad at myself for so much. I have come to see that some things are out of my control. Focusing on the past will not do me any good and I cant change anything. I need to focus on the here and now and move forward. I still carry some guilt and I think I always will. I still blame myself but only because there is no one else to blame. I want to be happy and living with the "what ifs" and "maybes" are not making me happy. I need to let go of the things I can not control and focus on the things I can control. From this day on I will try my very hardest to not live in the past, I will live in the present and look towards the future!

My husband and I are so lucky to have the things we do! We are lucky to be so much in love! We are lucky to be debt free and have a nice savings account. We are lucky to have such great families. Most of all we are lucky to have each other and to have our babies! We would not be the couple we are today with out our children and they will always be in our hearts!

No matter what happens or where life brings us we will be together. At the end of the day all I need is my husband.