infertile mind

I feel like no matter what I will always feel infertile. I know I am pregnant and I could not be happier about it. The closer we get to Aidan’s due date the more nervous I get. Nothing is set in stone! Just because I am 34 weeks pregnant does not mean we are going to have a baby. Aidan could still die at any time or die right after he is born. I am not thinking negative but I am being realistic. Anything could happen at any time so I am trying to enjoy whatever time I have to be pregnant. This may be our only chance to be pregnant. We have talked about it a bunch and honestly I think we have decided not to do fertility treatments again. I always thought when you got pregnant your infertility journey was over. I was proved wrong when we got pregnant and had the first miscarriage. Then I thought “there is no way I would have another miscarriage” and it happened again. When I got pregnant the third time I was honestly just waiting for our baby to die. I know that sounds bad but after two miscarriages I never thought we would ever have a healthy pregnancy. Aidan may never be a big brother and I need to be ok with that. I don’t want to try anymore, I don’t want to put tons of medication in my body anymore and I don’t ever want to have another baby that dies. I am just going to focus on the here and now and be happy! I don’t want to look back on this pregnancy and regret anything.

baby and vacation!

Baby News: I am 33 weeks and 2 days pregnant today! I still can not believe we have made it this far. It is so much fun feeling and seeing Aidan move around. It is getting harder and harder to walk around or stand for a long time. I am getting more uncomfortable as the days go by. I feel like I want to eat all the time but nothing ever sounds good. I am so ready to meet this little boy!

Vacation News: Darin and I just got back from Cali! It was a great trip. We went to the San Diego Safari Park and the beach. Even though we just got home we are ready to go back to the beach! I think we are done taking road trips till after the baby is born. I had to stop a lot to pee and I was so stiff.