Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Darin has gotten some time off to be home with me and help me out. I am really glad he is able to be here. Its nice to talk to him and not have to think about the baby all the time. Everyone keeps saying to let them know if I need anything. I feel bad because i cant think of anything anyone can do. I love knowing that so many ladies have offered to help me. It has made me feel a lot better. Even people i don't know have offered help and prayers. I know i have probably upset people or pissed them off in the past but they are putting that in the past and offering to help me out. I can not put in words how much it means to me to have the support i have. An old friend of mine emailed me and gave me a very inspirational quote. "Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. Things will work out." - President Gordon B. Hinckley. I know everything will work out and everything will be ok but right now it just hurts. I know my life could suck a million times more then it does. We have a house and food and things we need. I feel selfish sometimes for wanting a baby so bad and i feel bad that i get jealous when other people are pregnant. I know life is not fair but people who don't want to get pregnant or are not trying seem to get pregnant with no issues. we have been trying for so long and it happened and we could not have been any happier then it was just taken away. I cant help but ask why? I know i may never have the answer but i still cant help but ask. I know its not my fault, miscarriages happen all the time and its not the woman's fault. Its hard to be positive right now. We will try to get pregnant forever if we have to and if I have to do this again I will. I want to have a baby and nothing is going to stop me. The physical pain was so bad I was not even thinking about the baby. Now that the pain is getting better I am thinking more about the baby. It will forever be my first child. I really wish i could have met it. I don't think my heart will ever fully heal from this loss. It will be with me for the rest of my life.