baby, baby, baby

Darin and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years now. September of 2009 I found out I have PCOS. I am on Metformin, the doctor said it would help me ovulate. I have a doctors appointment on Febuary 4th 2010 to talk about going on Clomid (it is a fertility drug). It has been very hard for me to see my friends get pregnant, I am happy for them but at the same time I'm jealous. My life is not going the way I think it should. You get married then have kids. Now that we have moved to Minot I am finding it hard to make friends. A lot of military wives have kids or are pregnant, but that seems to be all they want to talk about. (not everyone) Its hard for me to talk about pregnancy and kids all the time. I feel like I'm on the out side of a club that i so desperately want to be a part of. I have found it is easier to be friends with guys because even if they have kids that's not all they want to talk about. That brings up another point, many people judge me because I am married and have guy friends. Just because a guy and girl are friends does not mean they are hooking up or even want to hook up. I love my husband and I would never cheat on him. I have heard a lot of people say the only things to do in the winter in Minot are drink, fight, and fuck. Drinking and fucking are fun but i can do with out the fighting. I miss being in Vegas because there is always something to do or some place to go. Every month a few days before my period is due I wounder, am i pregnant or not. I look for signs of being pregnant such as: peeing more, feeling like I am going to throw up, tender breast, etc. Even if I only have one of the symptoms I get excited and for days I think maybe this is the month its going to happen. Then my period comes and I can't help but feel sad. Everyone tells me "don't worry it will happen" but what if they are wrong? What if because of the PCOS I can never get pregnant? I try to be positive but the day i get my period i loose hope, it means another month of trying and waiting. As a girl I have always wanted to find my prince charming and have a family. I have found my prince, but know I feel like I am playing the worst waiting game. I do think I will get pregnant eventually, but waiting so long for it to happen sucks. For most of the month I am excited to try and not thinking about it to much, but the few days before my period is due it seems to be the only thing on my mind.