8 months old

Aidan is 8 months old today! He loves crawling and is getting into everything. He wants to play with Shadow and Spooky so bad but they are not too excited. Aidan grabs them way too hard and pulls out fur, he doesn’t understand the word easy. Shadow and Spooky like Aidan a lot more when he is sleeping. Aidan still loves boobies! We are doing baby led weaning (he eats the food we eat) but he is not eating much if any food. Darin and I think he will be walking within a month. He pulls himself up to stand on everything and walks along the furniture. He can stand on his own (without holding on to anything) for a few seconds before he falls. Aidan is a little dare devil and falls a lot because of it. He hates being “stuck” he doesn’t like being in the pack in play, of in the big baby gate thing we got. He wants to be able to go all over the place so I spend tons of time moving him away from the stairs and away from the TV. He loves waking daddy up in the morning. Aidan will crawl over to Darin and head butt him until he wakes up. It is very cute! We are so happy we made the switch to cloth diapers. All and all Aidan is amazing and doing so good!!!

3 years...

Three years ago today we lost our first baby. Weylin was with us for such a short time but had such a huge impact on our lives. It is hard to think about that day without crying. My heart broke that day and I never thought I would be happy again. I remember feeling so empty and lost. As the months went by the pain got easier to deal with. Even when we got pregnant with Holly I still felt the pain. I wish I could have seen Weylin and Holly grow up! As I watch Aidan grow day after day it makes my heart hurt for the children we lost. I will never “get over” it I will just learn to deal with it. I have to say that the pain is less when I look into Aidan’s eyes. He was meant to be our only living child. Weylin and Holly will always have a place in my heart and we will continue to talk about them. Aidan will always know how hard we worked to have him and how amazing it is that he is here. Our lives have been forever changed by the baby we never got to hold. Weylin and Holly have taught me to love Aidan more, enjoy every moment (bad and good), and most of all they taught me life is too short to care what other people think. I have stopped talking to friends and some family because they are negative people and I do not need negativity in my life. Aidan will grow up in a happy home with mommy and daddy. Darin and I both came from broken homes and we will not let that happen to Aidan! We worked too hard and waited so long for this amazing little baby. Weylin and Holly were amazing little babies while they were with us. Life would be so much different if Weylin had made it full term.

lucky

I am so so lucky! We struggled with infertility for years but it all ended the day Aidan was born. I still feel the pain of infertility but I have a sweet little baby to hold now. I look into Aidan’s eyes and I know it was all worth it in the end. Every test, every doctor appointment, every ultrasound, every tear, every pill, every shot, EVERYTHING led to Aidan. I wish I had known it would all end with a baby in the moment. There were so many times I thought I would never have a baby. The drive to the doctor from the base in North Dakota was long and those were the hardest drives. I would cry and I just knew I was not going to be a mom. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it would all work out. I had some pretty low points. We had a big walk in closet and I use to sit in there and cry. I would sit on the floor and just let it all out. Then I would peel myself off of the floor and move on with my day. I never thought I would be able to hold my baby, hear him cry, kiss a boo boo, see him smile, but now I get to do all of those things and it feels great.

everyone needs support

Sometimes when I look at Aidan I can not help but think about Weylin and Holly. What would life be like with them here? It has been almost 3 years since we lost Weylin. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday and other times it feels like a lifetime ago. I still cry, I still miss my babies, and I am still hurting. Darin and I only had each other up in North Dakota when Weylin died. Brittany was a huge help when Holly died. I felt so alone and felt as though no one cared. No one talks about Weylin and Holly and that makes me sad. People in our families do not even see them as “real” babies. I close my eyes and I can picture their sweet little faces. Aidan will always know about his brother and sister. They are “real” babies to me! People should just support each other, in hard times and in good times. Darin, Shadow, Spooky, Weylin, Holly, and Aidan are all the family I need. I will always support Darin and Aidan no matter what they do. I want to be here for them and be a positive person in their lives.

co-sleeping/bedsharing

As many or all of you know we have the crib as a side car. It is great to have Aidan close but still have space. Now that Aidan is moving around more he sleeps wherever he wants instead of where I put him. Sometimes he is right next to me nursing or close to the wall. Other times he is between Darin and I. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night to pee and Aidan takes my spot! All in all the side car is working out great and I think everyone should try it!

crawling!!!!

Aidan is now crawling!!!!! Darin missed the first crawl but when he got home from work Aidan crawled across the living room! Our sweet little baby is so awesome. He is doing so many things. He now loves to sit up, crawl, and pull himself up. I am sure he will be trying to walk in no time. Now we need to work on baby proofing.