Monday, August 26, 2013

the good

First I want to say that I am (now) so grateful for my infertility experience. Now that I have Aidan I look back and it all seems to have gone perfectly. I don’t want anyone to take this post the wrong way. Before Aidan was born there was nothing “good” about infertility in my eyes, but now looking back I can see some good things. 1. STRANGERS LEFT ME ALONE: Any time I leave the house with Aidan random people will come up to us and start taking to us. They want to comment on how cute he is or how well behaved he is. The thing that bothers me the most is when people tough him. I do not know why people think it is appropriate to touch a stranger, baby or not. So being able to shop without being stopped by tons of strangers was a benefit of being infertile. 2. GOING TO THE BATHROOM ALONE: We all know as infertiles we spend tons of time in the bathroom peeing on things. In the years leading up to Aidan being born I much have peed on hundreds of pregnancy tests and countless ovulation test. Looking back I miss the all the bathroom time I had to myself. Don’t get me wrong I think it is super cute when Aidan crawls around the bathroom opening cabinets and playing with toys but sometimes it would be nice to pee (or poop) alone. Even if Darin is home and I shut the door Aidan stand at the door and bangs on it until I come out, again I think this behavior is super cute. I use to dread going to bathroom to pee on a stick but now I look back and see that going to the bathroom alone was nice and I should not have taken advantage of it. 3. WEARING CLOTHES THAT FIT: Years ago if I lost (or gained) weight I would go out and buy new clothes. I have lost a lot of weight after having Aidan but I am finding it hard to go clothes shopping. I have always hated clothes shopping but now it seems like hell! Nothing fits right or it is not nursing friendly. So a benefit of being infertile was clothes fit me better before baby. I really see no point in buying new clothes because I hardly ever go out and when I am home I am topless 99% of the time. That’s all I have! I love every moment of being a mother. Being Aidan’s mommy is not always easy and sometimes I need to take a minute to collect myself but I would not change it for the world. Two years ago if you asked me what the benefits of being infertile were I would have laughed (or cried) and thought you were nuts. During our infertility journey I was sad, empty, lost, happy, hopeful, down, etc. It was the hardest time in my life! Now looking back on that time I can see some good. I see why going through what we did has made us better parents today. I love Aidan so much deeper than I would have if we got pregnant right away. Aidan will be our only child, we will never try to get pregnant again, I will never be pregnant again, Aidan will never have a brother or sister, our infertility journey is OVER! The day Aidan was born my dream came true. I will forever remember the pain of infertility and I will forever be infertile but I will never have to try again. It feels freeing to know we have the baby we always wanted and we can be done trying. I feel happy to close that chapter in my life and open a new one. I want this blog post to help other infertiles find hope. Your dream will come true and you will look back and know it all happened to lead you to that perfect child. I got that advise from a friend before Aidan was born and I didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe I would ever think anything good of infertility but she was right. Aidan was always the baby that was meant for me.

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