Thursday, May 12, 2011

pain pain go away and dont come back some other day

After all the ultrasounds, pills, and the shot I really thought we would get pregnant this month. I was so sure with symptoms and all. Wow how wrong was I? I hear many people say after a miscarriage that they would have rather never had a positive then loose the baby. I think the opposite, I would rather get pregnant and loose the baby then never be pregnant at all. Sometimes I am sad when I get my period and other times I am happy for a new start. This month is very very hard! I feel so empty and alone right now. I have always had bad periods but since the two miscarriages they have been so much worse! My cramps are so bad I can hardly move, I just want to curl into a ball and cry! I feel like the past two months have been hell, all the pills make me so sick and moody. I want it to all be worth it in end but what if it never is? I want to stay strong and keep trying but on days like this I just want to stop! I want to stop taking pills that make me sick, I want to stop having ultrasounds that leave me in tears, I want to stop being emotional, I want to stop listening to people talk shit, and I want to stop having periods that me feel like I am going to die! I just want to STOP it all and move on with my life. Then I think about our babies and I cant give up!