sometimes all i can do is cry!

The day before a big doctors appointment is always very hard for me. A million things run through my head and I cant stop thinking/crying. Right now I feel bad for my hubby. I hate that I have to put him through this shit. I feel like I need to blame myself even more because I know he doesn't blame me. Tomorrow they could tell me that I can never have a healthy baby and I hate that I then will have to make Darin decide between me and a baby. It is not fair for him at all and I feel like a shitty wife. I know in my heart that Darin loves me but sometimes I just want him to hate me and blame me at least half as much as I blame myself! He is such a great guy and deserves someone that can give him everything he wants and more. I really hate the day before a big doctors appointment and I am sure tomorrow after the appointment we will have more questions and no real answers just like every other time! I get myself all worked up and bothered over the craziest crap.