Saturday, June 11, 2011
Right now the hubby and I live in a house filled with stress. After getting no real answers at the genetic doctor and starting progesterone it has been a little intense. I wish I didn't have to put Darin through all this shit and I wish I didn't have to stress him out. It sucks even more because the military could care less what life is like at home, they expect everyone to be 100% all the time and that is just not possible. We are both ready to fast forward a few months and see where life is then because right now is no walk in the park! I don't need things to be easy I just need them to be a little easier then they are now and I want some answers to at least some of my million questions. I hate to say it but we might need a break (from baby making) after this month. Not trying is stressful because it is something we both want so bad but trying is more intense and fucking with our heads. I really wish we could go back in time a few years, it would change our lives! Sometimes I really cant help but blame myself for everything. Some days I just feel like everything is my fault and Darin would be better off with someone else. I know he doesn't feel the same way but sometimes I just cant help the way I feel. I start the Clomid today and I am scared out of my mind about it. I am already emotional so adding the Clomid is just going to make it so much worse! It is going to be a long hard week!