One Year in North Dakota

Today marks one year since we got to North Dakota. It has been one hell of a year. First we arrived in North Dakota and were homeless for a month. We finally found a tiny pet friendly rental. We were so cramped in that house but looking back it was a very cozy home. We started more test for the infertility issues. We got some great news, Darin's sperm is perfect. Darin moved up in rank. We got a house on base. I started Clomid, we had tons of baby making sex and it worked. We got pregnant with our first baby and could not be more excited!!! I went to Vegas for my sisters graduation. I am still so proud of her! I got back to Minot and shortly after I had a miscarriage. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the baby we lost. My sister came for a visit and we took road trips around North Dakota. My favorite place we went was the center of North America. There was a big museum and a great place to eat. Darin went to Texas for some training for about two weeks. I took Clomid again and it didn't work. Then the next month I took it again and it made me ovulate. Shadow turned 3 and not to long after Darin turned 26. We took a road trip to see Sitting Bull's grave site in South Dakota. That was alot of fun! I turned 23 and I had a white birthday for the first time in a very long time. I learned how much I hate dogs and cant believe I have dealt with it for so long. We had a few people over for Thanksgiving and it was such a great day. I am so glad people came and the food was so good. Again we had lots or baby making sex and it worked again. We found out not to long ago that we are pregnant again. We had an ultrasound the other day and were able to see the babies heartbeat! It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I think that is about it. I am sure I probably missed some stuff but you can read past blogs to get up to date with my life. Right now we are just trying to spend as much time together as we can, getting ready for Christmas, and we are hoping this pregnancy goes full term. It feels different this time, more real if that makes any sense. Thanks for reading!!

Black Friday!!!!!!

Darin, Brittany, Will, and I went to walmart at midnight. It was crazy busy and the lines were so long. We got tons of stuff! It was alot of fun but I don't think I will do Black Friday shopping again. It was really crowded and people are just rude. I am happy that we got almost everything on our list. We spent a little over $400 but it was worth it for sure. We were in Line to check out for like an hour and a half! Not only did we get some good stuff but it was a great experience.

Brittany is such a great friend! I can not even imagine what my life would be like right now if I did not meet her. She brought me a Happy Meal tonight and it totally hit the spot. We had so much fun shopping together last night.

We got home at about 2:30am and went to sleep at about 4am. I could not sleep good and ended up getting out of bed at 10am. I went and had more blood work done then got a call from the nurse and had to go back in. I really hate driving into town all the time but that last time was so worth it!

I am so lucky to live the life I do! I have such an amazing husband. He means the world to me and I love him with all my heart!

Thanksgiving!!!

I feel so lucky to be able to open my home to guys who had no place to go on Thanksgiving. It was a great day, everyone was so nice and loved the food. Brittany helped so much and made an amazing cake! After all the food was eaten and leftovers were packed for everyone the guys played video games. I have never had Thanksgiving with friends it is usually with my family. After moving here I knew I wanted to host as many holidays as I can. It is different with friends instead of family but it is alot of fun. I love getting to know new people and talking for hours. I really hope everyone had a great time, I know I did. At the end of the night while the guys played video games I cleaned up and did tons of dishes. It was alot of work but totally worth it. I cant wait for Christmas! As of right now they have to work but I will make sure I cook early so everyone can eat before work.

My 23rd Birthday!!!

Yesterday was my birthday! I have to say it started off kind of crappy. I was mad I could not get breakfast in bed. There was too much snow for Darin to do get anything and we had taken apart the stove to let the stuff soak before we washed it the night before so he could not cook anything. Although he did heat me up some pizza and bring it to me on the couch. We had to go out and shovel even though we bought a snow blower! If we used the snow blower we had no place to put it after, if we put it back in the entry way all wet it would have ruined the floor and if we put it in the garage the dogs would have peed on it and ruined it. There was like six and a half inches of snow but it was pretty light and easy to shovel. I cleaned off the car and truck while Darin did most of the shoveling. I was just annoyed and irritated in the morning but Darin made my day so much better. We made pigs in a blanket together and snuggled on the couch to watch tv. Darin ran to the store last night to get some watter for Thanksgiving and he came home with Carrot Cake!! He put some candles in it and we had cake. It was so so sweet. It was a great day because I have a great husband!

5 Months...(a day late)

Yesterday marked 5 months since the miscarriage. Let me explain why I am a day late. I did not forget but my husband kept me so busy yesterday that I did not even think about it. To compare yesterday to the day I lost the baby: it is so so different. I still think about the baby and cry but not often. There is so much going on this week and just in my life. I will never forget that baby but the pain is easier. I sometimes think about where I would be in the pregnancy now and it makes me sad. I should be getting ready to have a baby in January! Instead I am getting ready Thanksgiving dinner and starting all over again.

When I first had the miscarriage I cried everyday. I still have alot of questions that I wish I had answers for! I don't cry everyday now maybe once or twice a week about the baby. It is never crying for hours like before. I just shed a few tears for the baby, for the memory, for the what could have been, and for myself.

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out

My birthday is Sunday and I am pretty freaking excited! We have to go food shopping for Thanksgiving but that should be kind of fun. We might be going to Buffalo Wild Wings for my birthday but we will see. Thanksgiving is on Thursday and I feel like I still have so much to do. I don't have to much left to clean but there is tons of food that needs cooking. We are making: Turkey, Chicken Parm, mashed potatoes smooth and lumpy, roasted potatoes, stuffing, salad, veggie tray, bread, green beans, corn, cranberry sauce, pie, gravy, and more! It is going to take forever but it will all be worth it! I think we will have about ten people here but we invited like twenty so who knows. It is going to be a busy week and I can not be lazy I have to get everything done. I am so going shopping on Black Friday then online shopping for Cyber Monday!!!

Darin went to a friends mom's house to spend the night so him and his friend can go hunting early in the morning. I really hope he gets a deer! If he does I am sure we will have deer meat for a while.

November 23rd (Tuesday) is one year since we left Las Vegas to move to Minot. November 28th is our one year anniversary in Minot, North Dakota. I will have to post a blog on that day looking back on our year here.

As Thanksgiving grows closer I cant help but miss my family more and more. Thanksgiving was always a great day and tons of fun. They even celebrated Thanksgiving early last year so we could be there before we moved. I am excited that Darin and I now have the chance to start our own traditions.

Bad Dreams

I always remember having bad dreams. When I was younger I had two bad dreams that would repeat and it sucked. Before we moved I had a bad dream about a Lion that scared the crap out of me and it repeated for at least a year and a half. When we moved all my bad dreams stopped! It was great to only have happy or weird dreams. Then a few months ago I had a dream that I was making Cinnamon Rolls and Darin walked in the house and said "I am leaving you" then just left. That dream really bothered me but I have not had it since that night. About a week ago I had a dream that I was pregnant and all of a sudden the baby was gone. No miscarriage, no bleeding, and no pain just there one minute and gone the next minute. Then the other night I had a dream I was bleeding. Both dreams really bothered me and I woke right up and could not sleep for a while after. I really don't like having bad dreams as I am sure no one does. I just hope that none of my new bad dreams start to repeat!

Friends

Darin and I had game night with Brittany and Will! It was so much fun. The night was cut a little short because I got sick. We will be doing another game night very very soon! Thanks Brittany and Will for my birthday gift!! I love it so much and I cant wait to put a picture in it and hang it up! Oh and chocolate gravy is so good. I think Brittany wants us to weigh 900 pounds because she tried to send the rest home with us. D not N!! lol

I got an email from a friend tonight and I cried reading it. She is so thoughtful and caring. The email meant so much to me! She is truly a great friend!

I had a really bad dream this morning. I was pregnant one minute and then the next minute the baby was gone. It felt so real I jumped out of bed at 5:30am and could not go back to sleep till almost 7am. It had bothered me all day. I was sitting on the couch crying and Shadow was being so cute cuddling with me while I cried. Once I stopped crying Shadow, Spooky, and I ate some orange yogurt and the way they eat made me laugh. They are so cute!

Right now I am watching Darin play the new black ops. When he is done we are going to snuggle and watch a movie or some tv. I love spending time with my husband! He means the world to me. I love laying in bed with him with my head on his chest just listening to his heart beat. Today may have been a day full of emotions but I am truly lucky!

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, will it ever end?

Sorry it has been so long. It has been a crazy week in my house and only getting more crazy. Last night was so much fun. Darin and I went out with Brittany and Will and we could not have had a better time! It is so great to make some amazing friends! We are going to have a game night on Monday! (As long as the Air Force does not make the guys work) We are working on getting the house ready for Thanksgiving and believe me it is some slow going. When Darin is not working all I want to do is spend time with him relaxing not cleaning. It is hard to clean all day while he is sleeping because I don't want to wake him up. I need to get a twin size bed frame so we can move that bed into Shadow and Spooky's room sometime hopefully with in the next month. I need to stop getting so annoyed and bothered by the little things. I am just ready for my house to be perfect again! Well I am off to snuggle with my hubby!

To Drive or Not To Drive

We want to go to North Carolina next year to visit family. I do NOT like flying at all and really don't want to go if we have to fly. To drive to North Carolina from here is only like twenty five hours but if we go to Vegas first it is twenty two hours to Vegas then thirty eight hours to North Carolina. If Darin can't get alot of time off work then driving may be out all together. I would want to go to Vegas first so we can drop off Shadow and Spooky so my mom can watch them so we would have to stop there on the way home too. In my head it sounds like the perfect plan but after saying it out loud it sounds crazy that I would drive out of my way so mom can watch the cats instead of just having a friend come over here once a day and feed them. I really don't like leaving Shadow and Spooky alone. Since the miscarriage I just feel like if I am not with them or watching them something bad is going to happen. I know it is a little crazy but I really feel if I leave them for too long they might die or something. If we don't drive Darin will fly but I really do not want to fly ever again. Even if we get stationed over seas I will be on a boat. I truly do hate flying! I guess I have more then enough time to change my mind but this is how I feel right now. Crazy huh? Well I guess that is all for tonight.

Getting Ready...

Well it is after Halloween but before Thanksgiving so that means it is time to clean and get the house ready. We are having Thanksgiving here at the house this year. I am going to Hobby Lobby today to get the invitations today! I love Hobby Lobby, I could spend hours in that store. I think after Thanks giving we are going to get a real Christmas tree! I am pretty excited to see how Shadow and Spooky react to a tree. My birthday is coming up and I can't wait. Oh I almost forgot I finally got Skype. Sorry it is a short blog but not much is going on and I have to go get ready to go out.