Tuesday, December 21, 2010

6 months....

Today marks six months since we lost our first baby. One week and two days since we lost our second baby. It is hard, sad, irritating, emotional, etc. I am happy my doctor agreed to run test on the second baby. My due date for the first baby is January 6th and I have been thinking about it alot the last couple days. Right now Darin and I would be picking out the crib and getting the room all set up for a baby. Instead we are mourning another loss and waiting for answers. When we found out we were pregnant in April I would have never thought I would loose the baby. When we found out in November we were pregnant I was afraid I would have a miscarriage but the pregnancy felt alot different, more real. I would not wish this experience on any one but I hope people go through this will step up and talk about it. When we lost the baby and told people about it six months ago I was surprised how many people I knew said "I have had a miscarriage too." I know some people dont like hearing about it and some people don't know what to say when you do talk about it but why do I have to mourn in silence? I choose to talk about my pain and fears so that maybe someone going through the same thing will read this and know it is ok to talk about it! There is no reason anyone has to go through this alone and silent. If you don't want to hear about it then don't read what I write. The best thing you can say to someone going through this pain is "I am sorry for your loss and I am here for you" Unless you have lost a baby do not tell me you know how I feel because you don't. Don't tell me you know a friend who is going through the same thing and she got over it in a week. I will never get over this pain, I will deal with it but it will be with me forever! Six months/one week and two days: honestly it is easier then when it first happened. I still cry from time to time and I am sad that the due date is so close and I will not be bringing a baby home from the hospital. I am trying to not think about it all until we get all the test results. I hope they come back good but I am afraid I will never be able to carry a baby. I think this miscarriage is alot different then last time because this time I have Brittany. She is a great friend and when I start to get really upset she reminds me of the positive and she is here for me when I need her. She is a great friend and we have alot of fun while we are together. It is easy to not think about the baby while I am laughing and joking with friends.

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