Saturday, December 11, 2010

"go home and wait to miscarry"

"Go home and wait to miscarry" is what I was told yesterday after my ultrasound. They found a 6 week fetus (it should have been 8 weeks) with no heart beat. The baby died one to two weeks ago. The doctor did not recommend a D&C or offer me pain killers. I am not in any pain yet but if this time is like last time it is going to hurt. I was reading online and it sounds like I had a Missed Miscarriage but I guess the doctor didn't think that or care. I am mad that the doctor did nothing but send me home. I know the baby is not going to have a heart beat again but he could have at least giving me pills to induce a miscarriage. I am sitting here pregnant with my dead baby just waiting. This time around is alot different not only physically but emotionally. It is hard for sure but this time unlike last time I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Last time it felt like the end of the world and everyone said it would be ok but at the time it just felt like shit. This time I know it will be ok, we got through it once we will get through it again. I know my baby died and the doctors cant do anything to change that but I would like more attention or something other then being told to go home and wait.

I am really sad this is happening again! I want to be able to get pregnant and carry the baby full term and have a healthy baby. I want to know why I am having miscarriages but doctors here in Minot don't want to do any kind of test until I loose a third baby. I am confused why my doctor would say "get pregnant again and miscarry again and then I will help you figure out what is going on." I feel like a failure, I should be able to get pregnant easy and have a healthy pregnancy. Maybe the miscarriages are not my fault but until I know for sure they feel like my fault. I am the one with the issue getting pregnant and maybe it is me that cant carry a baby. I cant think of anything I do wrong during the pregnancy! I eat right, I don't drink or smoke, I don't have caffeine, no deli meat, I drink milk to give the baby calcium even though milk makes my stomach hurt sometimes. Maybe there is something wrong with my hormones, or my blood, or maybe my uterus is tilted, something! I don't know why the doctor wont just help me figure it out! I don't want to do this again just to get answers I want answers now so that next pregnancy will be healthy and last nine months! This is not what I had in mind for Christmas but I cant change it so we have to deal with it.

I have some great friends in Minot!! They have got together and are making Darin and I dinner for the next week. It is great to have an awesome support system! We all may complain from time to time about this place but in the end we are here for each other!


  1. The way that the doctors are treating you makes me sick. Who in their right mind would think that you shouldn't do tests until a THIRD miscarriage? That is utterly ridiculous. I am so sad and sorry for your loss and I wish there was something I could do to help out. Even though I live across the country, please let me know if there is something I can do for you!

  2. it ia crazy the lack of care i get here. i am so upset about the baby but mad at the doctors for not doing anything. this is a hard enough time as it is and they are just making it worse. i talked to our insurence today and the lady could not believe what the doctor said, she is looking for other doctors in the area and told me to talk to my doctor on base about putting in for an order for me to travel to a doctor in another state.