Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I had rather have a fool make me merry, than experience make me sad
I sit here in bed, in the dark. The only noise is Darin breathing, Shadow and Spooky playing, and me typing. I had a dream last night that I was nine months pregnant in the hospital the day before I was being induced and everything was fine, the baby was healthy! Then I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom and there was a little blood. Being pregnant this time compared to last time just feels different. It feels so much more real this time. I am trying to be positive. Come Friday everything will be fine and this will turn into a little bump in the road. Then I think what if something happens? I don't want to loose my baby again, I don't want to disappoint everyone again. I want to have a healthy baby and healthy pregnancy. I have done everything I can right! I don't know what I am fucking up! I sit here crying not only for the baby but for myself and most of all for Darin. I don't want to make him deal with this again, I don't want to hurt him again! I want to be able to get pregnant and have a healthy baby! Is that too much to ask for? I hate that we have to wait till Friday to see if the baby is ok.