Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Am I Crazy?

It has been thirty days since we lost the baby. Nineteen days since we starting trying to get pregnant again. I have taken one ovulation predictor test, one pregnancy test, and have had some pregnancy symptoms.I have checked the toilet paper countless times. I think I have had some cramps but maybe it was just stomach pain. I feel like I am stuck between a baby and a period. It could be either one right now I just have to wait it out. One will be exciting and the other will be depressing. When I found out I was pregnant I was so happy not only about the baby but about not having to worry about trying anymore. (Not that I don't love all the sex) It is hard to try and try and think you are pregnant then get your period. I don't know how to feel anymore. I feel like getting my period will make me hit a new low. I feel like my life is in rewind, we are back to where we were five months ago, just trying and waiting. I thought we were moving forward, we were about seven months away from having a baby now who knows how long it will take. Since the miscarriage it has been even harder to be around people who are pregnant. I know everyone needs to vent a little, but it bothers me so much when someone complains about being pregnant. I wish they would just stop and think about the millions of woman who can not get pregnant. I would give anything to be pregnant and have a baby. Some people just don't know how lucky they are. I deleted alot of my friends off Facebook because I was sick of logging in and seeing status after status of complaining about being pregnant. The whole time I was pregnant I felt like crap but I loved every second of it and I would give anything to be pregnant again. I hate waiting, I want to know if I am pregnant or going to get my period. With PCOS I may not even get my period and have to take pills to get it. Waiting is so frustrating I know I am not the only one who thinks it sucks. I really feel like I am going crazy sometimes: checking the toilet paper, crying when I see pregnant woman, crying when I see a baby on TV, not going to get togethers because kids will be there, etc. OK that is all for now I am done venting.

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