Wednesday, July 28, 2010
I never have dreams that I am pregnant or have a baby. In my dreams pretty much everyone else is pregnant or has a baby. Two days before I found out I was pregnant I had a dream that I had a baby, it made me sad because I thought I would never have a baby (it was a hard month for me) Last night I had a dream that me and few friends were in a public bathroom taking pregnancy test. There were four of us there and three of them were pregnant, I was the only one not pregnant. The miscarriage was five weeks ago and I was thinking like everyone says I may have been more fertile after. So I was hoping I got pregnant without the fertility drugs this time. Now the dream makes me think I am not pregnant. I don't know what to think. Here is a day in my life as an infertile: I wake up and pee, check the toilet paper for blood. I go downstairs and eat pineapple for breakfast, pineapple is something that helps with implantation.(or so I am told.) I drink 100% juice watered down and water all day. I make healthy lunches and dinners so I get all my fruit and veggie servings all day. As I use the bathroom all day I check the toilet paper for blood. Not just period blood but maybe implantation blood not like I can tell a difference. Most of the time if I see blood in any form I just cry wishing my period would not come. I have sex with my husband and lay there for at least twenty minutes sometimes longer. I have to give his perfect sperm time to get into my uterus. During the day I look up things online, pregnancy symptoms, PCOS, miscarriage, things to ask the doctor, etc. Today has been a pretty shitty day so far.(I am going to make it a better day) I could not stop dreaming last night so I didn't sleep good and they are doing something to the sidewalks being really loud and it woke me up.