Just a few thoughts....

My sister went back home yesterday. The ten days she was here went by so fast. It was so nice having her here and spending time with her. It was weird waking up this morning and having no one to talk to and nothing to do. I really wish she could have stayed longer. Darin is leaving for training in about nine days, its going to be a lonely boring time with out him here. I have had some sleeping issues for a while. It takes a long time to fall asleep and then I cant stay asleep. I am waking up at least every two hours or so. I think I cant sleep because I cant stop thinking. I feel like I am always thinking about something, the baby, what needs to be done the next day, doctor appointments, etc. I have pretty much the same things on my mind all the time. The biggest being the baby. I want to be pregnant, I don't know how to be ok about it. I am so sad we lost baby and I want to get pregnant again right away. I know life is not fair and it sucks sometimes but I just want to get my way once. I want to get pregnant right away and have a healthy baby. I cant help but be jealous when someone gets pregnant and does not want to be or smokes or drinks while pregnant. I cant stand listening to people complain about being pregnant or their children all the time. I am always thinking about having a baby, I feel like it is a factor in all my decisions. I wish just one day I could go back in time before we even started trying and just enjoy a stress free worry free thoughtless relaxing day. Ok well lets move on to better news. I am so excited to go to the dentist next week. I know that may sound weird but I have a cavity and it hurts really bad so I want it taken care of. I think that is it for now. I have a few things to do before Darin wakes up then I have to go pick up our pictures.