Thursday, July 29, 2010

Oh Sleep Where Are You...

These last few nights have been pretty shitty. I feel like I am dreaming all night and I can not fully sleep. I am so tired right now but I keep thinking about stuff and cant sleep. I am getting pretty sad that Darin is leaving for two weeks. It is only two weeks and we have been apart alot longer and it was fine. After what happened I am not sure I want to be alone. I am trying to be strong but there are still days I just sit here and cry and feel bad for myself. I have never really had tons of good friends but I have always had a best friend (not including my husband) but here I don't have a best friend. Although my hubby is my best friend it would be nice to have someone else. It is so hard to make friends and with the miscarriage I have only seen one person that I talk to up here. I have only gone out with my hubby or shopping alone. When Becky was here I went out with her. I want to get out more but I am afraid Ill fall apart. I am going to a potluck on Sunday and I am excited but nervous at the same time. I want to go and meet new people and have a good time, but then I think what if someone is pregnant or what is I cant be around all the kids. One kid at a time I think is fine but can I handle being around a group of kids? I guess I will never know unless I try and I am sure the woman will understand if I have to leave. I don't want to be the infertile one that no one wants to invite to things or the woman they all feel bad for. I don't want to be the woman who leaves crying. I am sure I am over reacting and the potluck will be great. I don't like crying in front of people. Well that's enough feeling bad. We are in a thunderstorm warning right now. I can already hear the thunder. I love storms so much. Although they are alot better when my hubby is here to snuggle with.


  1. If you need anyone to hang out with while he's gone I'm just down the road from you! Maybe with one of Jakes days off, we can go and have a girls day in town if your up for it :) .. I know I am in need of a little girl time ha ha. But really let me know if you need anything you have my number!! <3

  2. thanks maegan. a girls day would be tons of fun!