Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Lions, Tigers, and Doctors oh my!

I have been to three different doctors this week! I left the first one hardly able to move, I was so upset and crying. The second one was better, turns out I have a back strain so I just need to put heat on it. Then he gave me Zoloft because of my anxiety. Today I went to see my counselor, when I fist started seeing her I thought it would just be a waste of time but it is very helpful! She taught me some new things to do when I am having a panic attack or stressing to much. After the doctor on Monday I was so upset that I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes. I smoked one and it just made me sick, I had another one today and it did the same thing. I am not going to start smoking again.

After Darin woke up on Monday I told him about the doctor he was mad he was not there with me. We talked about all the things we can do and I think we have figured out what we want to do (as of now) I was crying and kept telling Darin I was sorry. I feel bad that he has to deal with all this crap that is not his fault. He told me something so amazing that night, I am crying now just thinking about it. He said no matter what he loves me and would not trade me for anything. I am so lucky to have a great husband. I'm sure I annoy him sometimes but he is always there for me. When I was laying in bed crying he was laying right next to me holding me. I would not be who I am today with out my husband and he is the perfect guy for me! No matter what happens or where we end up in life I will always have Darin! As long as we are together nothing else will matter!

Well we did it! We got the Kinect and we love it! We are going to look into some games and go get more this weekend! It is so much fun to do and some of the games are a good workout but super fun. Spooky is going to be three years old soon!

I blame myself alot for things that I cant even control. I know not everything is my fault but sometimes I feel like it is. I am trying not to be so hard on myself. There is alot of positive in my life but sometimes I feel like I get sucked into all the negative. I will never be the care free person I use to be I just hope I can calm down a bit.

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