Oh Sleep Where Are You...

These last few nights have been pretty shitty. I feel like I am dreaming all night and I can not fully sleep. I am so tired right now but I keep thinking about stuff and cant sleep. I am getting pretty sad that Darin is leaving for two weeks. It is only two weeks and we have been apart alot longer and it was fine. After what happened I am not sure I want to be alone. I am trying to be strong but there are still days I just sit here and cry and feel bad for myself. I have never really had tons of good friends but I have always had a best friend (not including my husband) but here I don't have a best friend. Although my hubby is my best friend it would be nice to have someone else. It is so hard to make friends and with the miscarriage I have only seen one person that I talk to up here. I have only gone out with my hubby or shopping alone. When Becky was here I went out with her. I want to get out more but I am afraid Ill fall apart. I am going to a potluck on Sunday and I am excited but nervous at the same time. I want to go and meet new people and have a good time, but then I think what if someone is pregnant or what is I cant be around all the kids. One kid at a time I think is fine but can I handle being around a group of kids? I guess I will never know unless I try and I am sure the woman will understand if I have to leave. I don't want to be the infertile one that no one wants to invite to things or the woman they all feel bad for. I don't want to be the woman who leaves crying. I am sure I am over reacting and the potluck will be great. I don't like crying in front of people. Well that's enough feeling bad. We are in a thunderstorm warning right now. I can already hear the thunder. I love storms so much. Although they are alot better when my hubby is here to snuggle with.