Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Life isn’t about trying to weather the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain
Well today was my miscarriage follow up appointment. At first I was excited to go I had tons of questions and wanted answers. As the time to leave grew closer, I started have a mini freak out. I started to realize this appointment was the last stage in the pregnancy I lost. I know I lost the baby but this appointment made it that much more real and final. I cried on the way there and in the parking lot, then in the waiting room and the office. The doctor was very helpful he explained everything and answered all my questions. Some days I just fall apart, other days are not bad. I need to spend my time in the present. I feel like I am wasting time in the past and looking at the future. I think about the baby we lost and being pregnant and what I could have done differently. Then I think well eventually we will get pregnant again and have a baby so I am doing my best to prepare my body for the next pregnancy. I just need a day when I can sit here and not think about the past and not think of what I need to do for the future baby. Please don't get me wrong, I know the miscarriage was not my fault and I could not have done anything to prevent it. I sometimes think what if but I don't want anyone to worry I am not blaming myself. Looking back to when Darin and I first got married I didn't think we would be where we are today. Struggling with infertility, dealing with a miscarriage, closer then before, and more in love then I would have ever thought possible. I am truly a very lucky person, when I have bad days I try my hardest to remind my self of that. I love my husband so much.