Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell

ADDICTIONS!!! Many people don't know this but I use to be addicted to cocaine. I was on cocaine for a few months and have not done it in almost four years. I still crave it from time to time but I don't think I would ever do it again. I was addicted to cigarettes for a few years and have not smoked in almost ten months. I quit the day I started Clomid in April because I wanted to be healthier just in case I did get pregnant. I crave a cigarette sometimes, mainly when I see people on tv smoking and sometimes when I drive. One of my New Years Resolutions was to stop peeing on stuff. It has been going pretty good till tonight. The last time I peed on something was November 3rd 2010 when we found out we were pregnant again. I have not even thought about taking an Ovulation test or Pregnancy test till tonight. I will not break my resolution but is it possible to be addicted to peeing on test? It is weird I am craving it right now like I crave cigarettes. That really must sound crazy! I guess it is possible to become addicted to anything but this is just odd. I will not break down and do cocaine, I will not break down and smoke, and I will not break down and pee on a stick. I will stay strong and overcome this just like everything else. Today is a hard day I should have a baby but I don't and that is something I have to deal with. I will stay strong not only because I have to but because I want to. I want to stay strong for Darin because he is strong for me. I want to stay strong for Brittany because she believes in me and had an amazing dream about me. Most of all I want to stay strong for me!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. I know that a lot of us from MBD would be more than happy to talk or listen or whatever you need :) Stay strong hon, you are going to be okay!