What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us

I just had a thought. I am going to see the fertility doctor in March and the genetic counselor in June. If everything goes good we will go on Clomid again in July. If it goes really good the fertility doctor may give us the thumbs up to go on Clomid in April. I should have a baby now or at least in July but I may not even be able to take the drugs to get me pregnant till July. Months ago at the least we were on track to have a baby in July now we are just waiting. It is hard to think that even this time next year we may not have a baby. We will never use condoms or go on birth control but in the last three years I have not gotten pregnant at all with out the Clomid so even though we wont be using protection it is not likely I will get pregnant with out the Clomid. I feel like since it has not happened in three years it wont happen now but I cant take the Clomid. I guess it has really hit me that I wont be able to get pregnant until July and it sucks! After the first miscarriage I still had hope that we would get pregnant with out the Clomid. Now after the second miscarriage I have no hope that getting pregnant will happen with out using Clomid. I hate feeling hopeless but I just cant help it. I don't know what was better: having false hope after the first miscarriage or having no hope after the second miscarriage.