Thursday, January 13, 2011

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing

My back is killing me and I have not slept to good. I am in the living room right now thinking about how peaceful it is. The only sound is the keyboard. Darin, Shadow, and Spooky are sleeping and I have not turned the tv on. I like times like this, it is quiet and I feel peaceful. I'm sure in a moment I will be overwhelmed with thought but for a second the house is quiet and my mind is still. All day and most of the night all I do is think. I think about the house, the cats, Darin, the babies, doctors, cooking, etc. Most of the time I cant stop thinking long enough to fall asleep. I don't know why I let things bother me and I don't know why I think so much. I love the moments when even my mind shuts up! I have slowly come up with two new years resolutions. Number 1: I will not pee on anything in 2011, no more ovulation test or pregnancy test! Number 2: I will try harder to relax my mind and not let little things bother me. Number 1 may sound a little weird but if you are infertile you know what it is like. We spend money on test that give us results we don't want, we pee on the stick feeling excited and then read the results and leave the bathroom crying. I wont do that to myself anymore! If I think I am pregnant my doctor can do the test for me and even then I think I will wait till my period is late at least a month. I hate being excited just to get my dreams crushed. I think number 1 is going to be easy, number 2 I think is going to be very hard! If you were in my head for an hour you would go crazy. When Darin and I are sitting on the couch watching tv I randomly ask him what he is thinking and most of the time he says "nothing" I get jealous. I wish I could sit here and think about nothing! I would say about once a week for a few seconds I am completely peaceful, no noise and no thoughts. There is also another time I have no thoughts that last alot longer then a few seconds, sex. When I have sex I don't think about anything! It is a great time to relax but when it is over all my thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks. 2011 is going to be a year of change for me and I hope this year will bring us the happy healthy baby that we want so bad!

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