Sunday, April 10, 2011

it might be stormy now but it can't rain forever

Today was my last day of Birth Control! So whenever my period starts I have to call my doctor to set up a time for an ultrasound. Then on the third day of my period I will start Clomid for the fourth time. I have alot of mixed emotions about going back on Clomid, some good and some bad. I want the Clomid to work but there is always a chance it wont. I want to get pregnant again and I want to have a healthy baby and not have another miscarriage. Darin and I have talked about it and as much as we don't want to go through another miscarriage we know we might have to and I think we are better able to deal with it this time around. I am excited to see what our future will bring but I am scared to death at the same time! I want to be able to give Darin the family that we both want but I may never be able to do so. Sometimes I feel so bad that I cant give Darin kids, I feel like I let both our families down. Telling everyone we were pregnant the first time was amazing! Everyone was so excited and happy, we made plans for a big road trip to North Carolina and Nevada so everyone could meet the baby. Part of the reason I am not going to North Carolina in May with Darin is because I feel bad that I don't have a baby to bring with us. Telling everyone about the first miscarriage was so hard, I felt like a failure. The second time I was not sure I wanted to tell everyone we were pregnant again but it was to exciting not too! Telling everyone about the second miscarriage was a little easier but still made me feel like I had let everyone down again. I want to say if/when we get pregnant again we wont tell anyone but I don't know if that is true. Maybe it will be to exciting not to tell everyone or maybe I will be to afraid of letting everyone down again if something goes wrong. Maybe the Clomid wont even work and I will have nothing to tell or not tell.


  1. Have you talked about getting testing for clotting disorders (common with PCOS and major cause of miscarriages) and getting your progesterone levels checked? If not, I would. I found out after my MC that if they had done these things there was high likelihood I wouldn't have MC, especially since the baby kept growing after I started bleeding. What I MC was not a 5w4d baby, it was bigger than that. Also, I've read a lot about taking a baby aspirin while TTC and during the TWW and during the first trimester can help with MC too because helps with clotting issues. Just things to ask/think about. Don't forget to be pushy and demanding! The hospital and doctors up here are stupid... that's why they willingly live in North Dakota! :)

  2. i was tested for a clotting disorder but not till right before i started birth control. the second MC was chromosome issues so nothing would have stopped that it was 6 weeks. the first one i was 9 weeks and have no clue what happened. dr billings pretty much refused to run any test with the secon pregnancy but said he will do what ever i want with the third pregnancy so i am sure if i get pregnant this time on clomid i will have him look at my vag tons of times and they will end up taking blood from my foot or something because i will be having it done so often lol i was alot more demanding the second time and i did get more done then the first time but i will sleep in the OBs office next time if i have too lol we also go to see the genetic doctor on June 8th