Sunday, April 10, 2011
it might be stormy now but it can't rain forever
Today was my last day of Birth Control! So whenever my period starts I have to call my doctor to set up a time for an ultrasound. Then on the third day of my period I will start Clomid for the fourth time. I have alot of mixed emotions about going back on Clomid, some good and some bad. I want the Clomid to work but there is always a chance it wont. I want to get pregnant again and I want to have a healthy baby and not have another miscarriage. Darin and I have talked about it and as much as we don't want to go through another miscarriage we know we might have to and I think we are better able to deal with it this time around. I am excited to see what our future will bring but I am scared to death at the same time! I want to be able to give Darin the family that we both want but I may never be able to do so. Sometimes I feel so bad that I cant give Darin kids, I feel like I let both our families down. Telling everyone we were pregnant the first time was amazing! Everyone was so excited and happy, we made plans for a big road trip to North Carolina and Nevada so everyone could meet the baby. Part of the reason I am not going to North Carolina in May with Darin is because I feel bad that I don't have a baby to bring with us. Telling everyone about the first miscarriage was so hard, I felt like a failure. The second time I was not sure I wanted to tell everyone we were pregnant again but it was to exciting not too! Telling everyone about the second miscarriage was a little easier but still made me feel like I had let everyone down again. I want to say if/when we get pregnant again we wont tell anyone but I don't know if that is true. Maybe it will be to exciting not to tell everyone or maybe I will be to afraid of letting everyone down again if something goes wrong. Maybe the Clomid wont even work and I will have nothing to tell or not tell.
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Have you talked about getting testing for clotting disorders (common with PCOS and major cause of miscarriages) and getting your progesterone levels checked? If not, I would. I found out after my MC that if they had done these things there was high likelihood I wouldn't have MC, especially since the baby kept growing after I started bleeding. What I MC was not a 5w4d baby, it was bigger than that. Also, I've read a lot about taking a baby aspirin while TTC and during the TWW and during the first trimester can help with MC too because helps with clotting issues. Just things to ask/think about. Don't forget to be pushy and demanding! The hospital and doctors up here are stupid... that's why they willingly live in North Dakota! :)
ReplyDeletei was tested for a clotting disorder but not till right before i started birth control. the second MC was chromosome issues so nothing would have stopped that it was 6 weeks. the first one i was 9 weeks and have no clue what happened. dr billings pretty much refused to run any test with the secon pregnancy but said he will do what ever i want with the third pregnancy so i am sure if i get pregnant this time on clomid i will have him look at my vag tons of times and they will end up taking blood from my foot or something because i will be having it done so often lol i was alot more demanding the second time and i did get more done then the first time but i will sleep in the OBs office next time if i have too lol we also go to see the genetic doctor on June 8th
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